Archive for June, 2009

Monday June 29th 2009. HOT!

Posted in Stuffed. on June 29, 2009 by uppyalf

Well we went on the train with Lily and Old Fart to see Nosher in his new flat.

Uppy and Lily on the train.

Stu how he now likes to be called (maybe he has changed his identity too!) Stu has moved yet again! We are in quite a tizz as to where and who he is living with. Birmingham, Bristol,  Birmingham,Milton Keynes,  London, Wapping, Hackney……He has moved more times than anyone else we know.

Garden in Hackney.

It was so HOT! in Hackney it must be in the south somewhere. Then around lunch time there was a hail storm. The hail stones were bouncing off Stu’s head. Old Fart made a Pratt of himself and wore a flower pot because he thought that the hail might return.


Lily was getting over excited in the market and was looking for a herb plant and some curtains. One lady in Hackney though that Lily was a taxi driver and asked her if her meter was still running?

Lily on the road.

June 26th 2009 Friday.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 26, 2009 by uppyalf

Michael Jackson is dead! Gosh!

Jacko, Old Fart and Uppy ALf.

Buddy Holly, Monroe, Lennon, Elvis, Morrison, Joplin, Jacko. all gone.

Ploppy BBQ report. June 22nd 2009.

Posted in Stuffed. on June 22, 2009 by uppyalf

Ploppy BBQ 20th June 2009.

We went to the ploppy BBQ with Lily, Old Fart, Olde Bagg and Ei Ei.

We were not really looking forward to it as Old  Fart said it would be boring and there would only be strawberries to eat because that’s all anyone could grow.

Ei Ei said that there would be cheese cake and Salmon and wine. Pigs Might fly said Old fart and you know what they did!

A pig flying.

Happy was not there and several other allotment folk threw the towel in just before light up time but it all turned out nice in the end.Old Bagg had problems getting the BBQ there as it slowly fell to bits down the road so we had to take it in Ei Ei’s Picasso!


A nice man squirted all stuff on Old Bagg’s candle wax in order to get her fire going.

Old Bagg and the sausage.

Old Bagg showed us a really nice sausage she was going to eat and lots of people said the salmon was the star dish of the evening along with the tiny cream bums.

Anyhow it was all ok Ei Ei had six bowls of pudding and there was not enough room for Old Bagg to get a bit of everything in one go so she had to make five trips to the tables.

We only got to meet a couple of new friends and only the very nice Jan wanted her picture taken with us….Their loss!


UppyUs at the ploppy BBQ.

Cat Scarers! June 18th Waterloo Day 2009.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 18, 2009 by uppyalf

Cat scarers! Rat scarers and strimmers! Are they adding to the HUM?

Today we will be looking into this matter!

ALf in America yesterday afternoon.

June 16th 2009 Tuesday.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 16, 2009 by uppyalf

After watching the soccer game last night where Italy beat 10 man USA 3-1 we were convinced that the HUM! was being added to by all the fans in the Pretoria stadium. The noise from thousands of horns every single moment of the game drove Lily, who was watching it on tv with us nuts. She is sure that by the 2010 world cup finals and at the end of it the HUM! will have increased in magnitude so much that you will hear it in your sleep. We think she has a good point. A less interesting statement by Lily is that the worlds buildings are all so much taller now in the 21st century that the HUM! has become trapped inside a ring of high rise architecture and cannot escape and so it builds up and up until it HUMs! into the ionosphere.

Humming Footy.Aliens Welcome.

HUM! June 14th 2009.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 14, 2009 by uppyalf

Hey we just posted a link to some of our old news. Look to the right of here and lookk at BLOG HEADS from 2005.

There is some rubbish and some interesting goings on in the list.

Take a walk down Time Travel Lane.

HUM! We have investigated the HUM! a little more and found that the Millions of people on Earth who are not quite satisfied with their Presidents or MP’s or their Great and Good are adding to the HUM!

In Iran where the latest election  was won by Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket the people were so happy and upset at the same time that a single HUM! was transmitted over their televison and radio network and another on the arest of the HUMMERS! an hour after the election result. DOUBLE HUM!

The great unwashed in North Korea noticed an increase in the HUM! when a massive contingent of the LADIES army  marched past and the HUM! it is thought was added to by the rubbing together of thighs clad in cheap Western Imperialist made nylon tights.

Marching to the HUM!Tuffy not to bothered by the HUM!Stripe hiding from HUM he has big ears!

Wednesday June 10th 2009. HUM! update.

Posted in Stuffed. on June 10, 2009 by uppyalf

Today we searched the next village but three Alcester and Minworth to see what we could find out about the HUM!

One person in the street seemed to think that the increase in mobile phones was the cause. All around the planet millions upon millions of calls are made every minute.

These calls cause a terrific noise some of which filters into the ether and some people think this is the cause of the HUM!

Another man Dave Snedpot living in Minworth thought that all the lost text messages that never appear on peoples phones and indeed the ones that are in transit from texter to texter cause a low HUM! This can be picked up by certain people. He has been affected by it when looking at the girls pictures that keep appearing on his screen every time he uses the internet.

Snedpot being affected by the HUM in Minworth.Humming around the planet.

ALf just found this item and is trying to find out if it works.

Hum Debugger.

Investigations continue on HUM!

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2009 by uppyalf

Looking for the HUM!

June 9th Wednesday 2009.

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2009 by uppyalf

Can you hear the HUM?

An intrusive Low Frequency Noise
that has disrupted the lives of thousands
and been responsible for several deaths!

The HUM! has a very distinctive sound that is instantly recognised by HUM! sufferers around the world. It is often described as the sound of a diesel engine idling some distance away, or the drone of a distant propeller driven aircraft which never comes nearer or goes away.

In Warwickshire it is described as the moan of a lonely virgin humming for the want of something to eat or as a comfort while emptying dustbins or tending garden plants.

The intensity of the HUM! can vary greatly but it is usually at its most intense during the early hours, around 3-4am local time and at weekends.
The HUM! is invariably much greater indoors than outside, also greater upstairs, in small rooms, passageways and stairwells.
The HUM! can also be “heard” in a stationary car with the engine switched off.
The use of sound proofing, ear-plugs or ear protectors are ineffective, in fact, by eliminating extraneous noise, these only serve to intensify the perceived HUM! level.
The HUM! is very selective, approximately 5% of the population “hear” the noise, almost all are aged 50 or over, and 70% of these are women.

The HUM! often resonates off gas cylinders and metal sheds. Mobile home park home residents are very susceptible to the HUM! as they live in thin paper clad dwellings and most of them are older women with cats and small dogs. Some of the tiny rodent type creatures that live with these said home park dwellers complain to their owners and contribute to the HUM! with an even lower resonating noise that makes the owners cover the pets with cotton wool and put them outside to annoy the neighbours.

We are investigating the HUM! today Call back later to find out what we discovered.

Looking for the HUM!

June 8th 2009-Cause of Global Climate Change Discovered.

Posted in Stuffed. on June 8, 2009 by uppyalf

We have today discovered the reason for the climate change.

When Lily is cold she puts a thick tog winter quilt on the bed the weather gets HOT!

When it is too HOT! and Lily is too uncomfortable she changes the thick tog quilt for a thin summer one. The weather immediately changes and becomes cold and wintery.

This we have found is the reason for major climate change.