Archive for December, 2011

Wednesday 28th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 28, 2011 by uppyalf

Are Aliens On The Moon? Scientists Want YOU To Join The Search.

American scientists want to enlist online volunteers to identify signs of alien life in moon images collected by NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO).

Physicists Paul Davies and Robert Wagner of Arizona State University believe there may be signs of extra terrestrial life in the form of messages, scientific instruments, waste or evidence of mining that could be spotted by human telescopes and orbiting spacecraft.

In their paper published online in the journal Acta Astronautica, the pair wrote: “Although there is only a tiny probability that alien technology would have left traces on the moon in the form of an artefact or surface modification of lunar features, this location has the virtue of being close, and of preserving traces for an immense duration.

“If it costs little to scan data for signs of intelligent manipulation, little is lost in doing so, even though the probability of detecting alien technology at work may be exceedingly low.”

The paper adds: “Alien civilizations may have sent probes to our region of the galaxy. Any mission to the solar system would probably have occurred a very long time ago.

“The lunar environment could preserve artefacts for millions of years.”

The LRO has been taking pictures of the moon’s surface since 2009, with more than 340,000 images collected so far

According to Davies and Wagner, it would be impossible for one team to examine the ever-growing number of images, hence their suggestion to involve amateur enthusiasts in what they claim would make “an excellent educational project”.

They also suggest building computer software that could recognise irregularities on the moon’s surface.

The proposals would complement other hunts for alien life, including the Search For Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI), which uses data from radiotelescopes.

Tuesday 27th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 27, 2011 by uppyalf

Yung Un came over with Jordy Pordy and we all went to Pizza hut including Old Bag.

Sunday 25th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 25, 2011 by uppyalf

ALf departed Christmas eve to render his vast knowledge of the galaxy systems to disperse the cloud of gas abundant in the environs of the planet Sesbrillbahziut .

ALf returned as fast as he had left to celebrate Christmas with the Earth people and his now firmly established friends and family.

ALf dropped Uppy off at the north pole to help Santa entertain the Cheeky Girls after his hard night delivering gifts.

Wednesday 21st December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 20, 2011 by uppyalf

Once again NASA has announced Two new planets. They are the most Earth-like ever seen – but hot as hell!

The newly discovered exoplanets are the first ever detected outside the solar system that are Earth’s size or smaller.

The newly discovered planets, Kepler-20 f and Kepler-20 e,

Astronomers have spotted the two smallest, most Earth-like planets to be discovered outside our solar system. They are orbiting a star called Kepler-20 almost 1,000 light years away in the constellation Lyra. Reaching the two newly-discovered planets would take the fastest spacecraft more than 4m years.

The planets, Kepler-20 e and Kepler-20 f, are 1.03 and 0.87 times the diameter of Earth respectively. The previous record holder for the smallest planet found outside the solar system, Kepler-10 b, has a diameter 1.42 times that of Earth.

Kepler-20 e.

“The first of these planets has a diameter just 3% larger than the Earth, which makes it the closest object in terms of size in the known universe,” said Dr François Fressin of the Harvard-Smithsonian Centre for Astrophysics in Cambridge, Massachusetts, who led the team of researchers that found the planets. “The second one is 13% smaller than the Earth. With a diameter around 7,000 miles, which is also smaller than Venus, it is in fact the smallest planetary body ever discovered in orbit of another sun-like star. Most importantly, it is the first time we cross the Earth-size threshold. In other words, it is the first time that humanity has been able to detect a planet of Earth’s size or smaller around another sun.”

The results, which come from observations by Nasa’s Kepler space telescope, are published in Nature on Tuesday. The telescope, launched in March 2009, watches more than 150,000 stars for signs of orbiting planets.

The researchers believe that the inner planet, Kepler-20 e, orbits its sun every six days. It should be entirely rocky, made from an Earth-like blend of silicates and iron. The outer planet, Kepler-20 f, which orbits once every 20 days, is bigger and could have developed an atmosphere made of water vapour, according to Fressin. Surface temperatures of around 700C and 400C respectively would almost certainly rule out life on either planet. “We are unable to say what their exact composition is. The planets are likely too hot to harbour life as we know it. However, it is very likely that Kepler-20 f migrated inwards from an outer orbit, and could have been a habitable planet,” said Fressin.

The planets were found by watching for objects periodically passing in front of the Kepler-20 star. As a planet transits, the starlight reaching Earth drops, so measuring the size of this effect can tell astronomers the size of the planet. “In the case of Kepler-20 e and 20 f, we were able to detect a periodic decrease in starlight smaller than 0.01% that occurred every six days for Kepler-20e and another periodic decrease that occurred every 20 days, for around two years. From these signals, we could determine the planet sizes and their orbital distance,” said Fressin.

Kepler-20 f. Image: Nature

Previously, scientists have reported the existence of three planets orbiting the Kepler 20 star, known as Kepler-20 b, Kepler-20 c and Kepler-20 d. These have diameters 1.91, 3.07 and 2.75 times that of Earth and orbital periods of 3.7 days, 10.9 days and 77.6 days respectively around their star. Earlier this month astronomers announced the discovery of Kepler-22b, one of the best candidates so far for an Earth-like planet outside our solar system. “This planet is interesting as it is fairly small and at the right location for water to be liquid,” said Fressin. “However, the planet is very likely too large to harbour life as we know it.”

Known planets around the size of Kepler-22 b, around 2.4 Earth diameters, most commonly resemble mini versions of the planetNeptune, the furthest planet from the sun in our solar system. These planets are mostly gaseous, with small rocky cores. “Although we do not know where the exact transition is between rocky planets and gas planets, Kepler-22 b is likely closer toNeptune,” said Fressin.

Once again ALf has informed me that these planets are all well known to him and his race, and at least 99% of the other alien to Earth beings know of these planets as for naming them Kepler 20e and f this is a stupid way of naming planets and should be abolished to Enbrillion the garbage waste planet where ideas are lost in the vacuum of silent thoughts.

This is a rare photograph of ALf’s home planet…….We on Earth have never seen this before so it is a first.  Sitem Ax12 That is the closest name we can make out in relation to English.

It resides in the Galaxy we have named NGC 3314 and consists of two large spiral galaxies which just happen to almost exactly line-up. The foreground spiral is viewed nearly face-on, its pinwheel shape defined by young bright star clusters. But against the glow of the background galaxy, dark swirling lanes of interstellar dust are also seen to echo the face-on spiral’s structure. The dust lanes are surprisingly pervasive, and this remarkable pair of overlapping galaxies is one of a small number of systems in which absorption of visible light can be used to directly explore the distribution of dust in distant spirals. NGC 3314a is about 140 million light-years away in the southern constellation of Hydra.

Alf calls this star cluster  “Hateem”. HOME. ALf attempted to translate the name of his home planet for the first time today and it came to  the name Daaaybr…in..mirx.

Tuesday 20th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 20, 2011 by uppyalf

According to news reports Stonehenge and Glastonbury are Britain’s number one and two hotspots for UFO sightings, it has been revealed.

In just five years 27 calls were made to police describing alien events, official figures show.

The alerts include general sightings of UFOs, aliens and one case of alleged “alien possession”.

One caller in the Somerset town home to the famous music festival reported a UFO in their front room, claiming it had made their dog draw pictures on the window.

Others claimed there were saints looking in through their windows, or wanted to pass messages on from our intergalactic neighbours.

In February 2007 one caller rang police to say aliens had taken over their body. This was followed up in July when another caller believed having seen an alien across the road.

In 2008 two callers reported being taken over by aliens and a possible alien assault. In the same year a UFO was seen circling local sight the Tor as well as the town.

A giant mystery object spotted by astronomers near the planet Mercury could be an alien spaceship, UFO hunters claimed today.

The round ‘craft’ is as big as a planet and appeared from nowhere in images captured by a Nasa telescope.

The  Heliospheric Imager-1 telescope was taking pictures of a coronal ejection, a giant eruption, from the sun when the mysterious ‘ship’ turned up in a series of shots.

Papers said it could be a cloaked UFO next to Mercury.

Brian Lagg of the Alien Spotters Club

Said: “It’s cylindrical on either side and has a shape in the middle. It definitely looks like a ship to me, and very obviously, it’s cloaked.”

Nasa has said the object was created because of the way images were processed.

ALf said a cloaked UFO my arse it was a Sulluqinmir female ship dismantling its giant hoarding promoting its holiday homes.

The holiday home venture collapsed on Sulluqinmir due to the sea around the main resort of Sullu evaporating after the lord of Sertbrindor had stayed there for a long weekend and unpleasantly passed water and broke wind at the same time while swimming .

Sunday 18th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 18, 2011 by uppyalf

Steve and Rosie cam and brought us some buckets???

Saturday 17th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 17, 2011 by uppyalf

ALf left the planet Earth yesterday and returned in a flash sporting a new hair cut?

I was surprised not so much by the Barnet but he brought me a present it was a badge with a dreaded Dalek image.

He told me although the Dalek race is indeed the most dreadful destructive race in the entire known and unknown universal system czondorminatin, these badges have become quite fashionable?

I appear to be a giving out mixed messages WAR IS OVER alongside the image of a Dalek!

ALf told me he had called in briefly to Skaro on his trip back home and purloined the badge at the landing area.


Skaro is a planet of roughly the same mass and dimensions as Earth, and the twelfth planet from its sun. It has a single continent that is divided into east and west halves of almost equal size. Skaro is situated in the “Seventh Galaxy”, and Skaro’s astronomers can identify only seven such stellar formations. This may indicate that Skaro’s galaxy or local group of galaxies is distant from other galaxies or local groups, that Kaled technology was insufficient to detect other galaxies or local groups beyond their vicinity, or that there is a barrier of interstellar gas and debris that occludes other spatial areas from Skaro’s scrutiny.

Friday 16th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 16, 2011 by uppyalf

Yesterday we went into Birmingham with OLD FART and met with JOHN the FISH. We went to the Ikon gallery and the German Market.

The Specials  Ghost Town

This town, is coming like a ghost town
All the clubs have been closed down
This place, is coming like a ghost town
Bands won’t play no more
too much fighting on the dance floor

Do you remember the good old days
Before the ghost town?
We danced and sang,
And the music played inna de boomtown

This town, is coming like a ghost town
Why must the youth fight against themselves?
Government leaving the youth on the shelf
This place, is coming like a ghost town
No job to be found in this country
Can’t go on no more
The people getting angry

In the Ikon gallery we went in the lift and it played a strange tune. But we also met this sweet lady who encouraged us to keep filming.

I Remember, I Remember

Philip Larkin

Coming up England by a different line
For once, early in the cold new year,
We stopped, and, watching men with number plates
Sprint down the platform to familiar gates,
‘Why, Coventry!’ I exclaimed. “I was born here.’

I leant far out, and squinnied for a sign
That this was still the town that had been ‘mine’
So long, but found I wasn’t even clear
Which side was which. From where those cycle-crates
Were standing, had we annually departed

For all those family hols? . . . A whistle went:
Things moved. I sat back, staring at my boots.
‘Was that,’ my friend smiled, ‘where you “have your roots”?’
No, only where my childhood was unspent,
I wanted to retort, just where I started:

By now I’ve got the whole place clearly charted.
Our garden, first: where I did not invent
Blinding theologies of flowers and fruits,
And wasn’t spoken to by an old hat.
And here we have that splendid family

I never ran to when I got depressed,
The boys all biceps and the girls all chest,
Their comic Ford, their farm where I could be
‘Really myself’. I’ll show you, come to that,
The bracken where I never trembling sat,

Determined to go through with it; where she
Lay back, and ‘all became a burning mist’.
And, in those offices, my doggerel
Was not set up in blunt ten-point, nor read
By a distinguished cousin of the mayor,

Who didn’t call and tell my father There
Before us, had we the gift to see ahead –
‘You look as though you wished the place in Hell,’
My friend said, ‘judging from your face.’ ‘Oh well,
I suppose it’s not the place’s fault,’ I said.

‘Nothing, like something, happens anywhere.’

William Blake

I dreamt a dream! What can it mean?
And that I was a maiden Queen
Guarded by an Angel mild:
Witless woe was ne’er beguiled!

And I wept both night and day,
And he wiped my tears away;
And I wept both day and night,
And hid from him my heart’s delight.

So he took his wings, and fled;
Then the morn blushed rosy red.
I dried my tears, and armed my fears
With ten thousand shields and spears.

Soon my Angel came again;
I was armed, he came in vain;
For the time of youth was fled,
And grey hairs were on my head.

THE TYGER (from Songs Of Experience)

William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?


Wednesday 14th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 14, 2011 by uppyalf

Last night we went with OLD FART to his Compton Verney Christmas party…

It was great there were lots of new friends and at one point it looked like we would spread the cheer around the room but OLD FART got cold feet well it is winter.

The kids were doing very strange doings with bright yellow frogs that had appeared as if in a biblical plague from the Christmas crackers.

There were raffle gifts galore and wine and food and party hats. It was all great fun.

Cranmer one of the boss type dudes was moving on to pastures new.

Maybe he has gone to a stud farm.

The gave him all sorts of weird and wonderful gifts a loo being one of the items

So he has obviously got problems in the bits department.

He had cream, a pep up drink, plasters, biscuits, chocolate, books, a hat and eye patch plus a big pipe we defiantly conclude he is on something!

O yes he also had a big bucket?

Happy Christmas to all our friends.

Monday 12th December 2011

Posted in Stuffed. on December 12, 2011 by uppyalf

We went to Canterbury with OLD FART and met up with NOSHER to go see OLDE CUSTARD HEAD play with some other geezers one looked a bit like TOMO and played a flute but stood on one leg a lot.

The other guy shouted and swung his microphone about and sang a poem by William Blake. It was all in all a good event. The Sunday we went to Cookham to see where the guy who pushed the pram around and painted was born and lived.