Archive for December, 2012

Monday 24th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 24, 2012 by uppyalf


We just made friends with a guy on Facebook

Olly Goldstein

who was asking why ALf is green.

ALf is an alien and when he was born he was of a very impressionable mind he came to Earth in error when only milli seconds Earth time old. This was about 2110 BC Earth years but ALf has been here Earth many times and got kind of confused himself at this point. Earth people believed aliens to be green and ALf thinks of himself as green and wont be shifted from this point of view. He to our human eyes looks orange but he gets confused again if people ask “who’s is that orange monkey”? or other such silly statements. ALf knows everything at least twice. pleased to make another chum..Olly.

PS do not mention it to ALf he is enjoying life with OLD Fart and Lily and Uppy of course the French people are here at the moment Mr Bean, French Tart and the little fromage frie David and Anne Cecile.


Anne Cecile and Mr Bean in The Field yesterday.

Friday 21st December 2012 14.12

Posted in Stuffed. on December 21, 2012 by uppyalf



Residents of French mountain crack open End of the World wine (and offer house rental at $1,600-a-night)

ALf says it was just another Earthling money making scam..Remember the Millennium Bug? ..Books, Dvd, charms and underground bunkers all sold to nutters that want to survive the end and how can one survive the end?

Not possible says ALf.

According to the nutters the only place that would have  survived the Mayan Apocalypse’ was  Bugarach – population: 176 – has been earmarked by doomsday cults as the only place in the world which is going to survive Armageddon.

It is based on an interpretation of the Mayan calendar which claims a planet is on a crash course with Earth and will impact on December 21 2012

According to prophecy aliens will emerge from their ‘spaceship garage’ in the town’s Pic de Bugarach mountain and pluck believers to safety

‘Authentic Bugarach stones’ are on sale for €1.50 a gram while a bottle of water from the local spring will cost an eye-watering €15

One landowner is offering up his four-bedroom home for £1,200 a night and can offer a camping space in his field for £324

‘Apocalypse pizza’ and ‘End of the World vintage’ wine also available.

French mounted police patrol around the villageimg_606X341_2012-doomsday-at-bugarach

Nestled in the rolling foothills of the French Pyrenees, market day in the tiny farming community of Bugarach has never been busier.

But shoppers aren’t there to sample the fresh meat, wine and dairy for which the town is locally famed, they are there to pick up their own piece of end-of-the-world memorabilia.

This is because Bugarach – population 176 – has been earmarked by doomsday cults as the only place in the world which is going to survive Armageddon, scheduled for December 21 this year by an ancient Mayan prophecy.

Mayan teaching: According to prophecy/internet rumour, aliens will emerge from their ‘spaceship garage’ hidden deep within the town’s imposing Pic de Bugarach mountain and pluck anyone in the vicinity to safety

Modern interpretations of the forecast, heavily stoked by internet rumour, predict that aliens will emerge from their ‘spaceship garage’ hidden deep within the town’s imposing Pic de Bugarach mountain and pluck anyone in the vicinity to safety.

Mayan apocalypse: Mayan shamans take part in a ceremonyMayan_Symbols_1641710a

Now, Armageddon tourists and UFO spotters hoping for salvation are swarming to the two-street hamlet to collect a slice of Last Day history.

And it is an opportunity the village’s shrewd inhabitants are eager not to pass up.

Souvenirs include ‘authentic Bugarach stones’ from Pic de Bugarach’s rock-face itself, on sale for €1.50 (£1.20) a gram, and ‘natural pyramids of pyrite iron’ from underground.

Meanwhile, a bottle of water from the local spring, which can apparently cure a range of ailments, costs an eye-watering €15 (£12).

One landowner is even offering up his four-bedroom home with close up views of the mysterious peak for £1,200 a night.

But for those on a budget, he can offer camping space in his field (tent not included) for 400 euros a night.

‘I possess a rare asset, the land of immortality,’ he told La Depeche du Midi, the area’s local daily.

Emerging market: Armageddon tourists can buy ‘authentic Bugarach stones’ for 1.50 euro (£1.20) a gram while a bottle of water from the local spring, which can apparently cure a range of ailments, will cost an eye-watering 15 euro (£12)

Prime estate: One landowner is offering up his four-bedroom home on the slopes of the mysterious peak for £1,200 a night while, for those on a budget, he can offer a camping space in his field (tent not included) for £324

On the evening in question, tourists can pop to the local Italian restaurant for an ‘Apocalypse pizza’, washed down with a local vintner’s ‘End Of The World’ vintage.

If the predictions turn out to be wrong, they can celebrate with the same wine-seller’s ‘Survival Vintage’, on sale a day later.

Ancient Mayans claimed that on December 21 2012, a 5,125-year cycle known as the Long Count supposedly comes to a close.

Experts estimate the system, which is made up of 394-year periods called baktuns, starts counting at 3114 BC, and will have run through 13 baktuns, or 5,125 years, around December 21.

They say 13 was a significant number for the Maya, and the end of that cycle would be a milestone — but they have been keen to stress that it does not mark an end.

Conspiracy theorists nonetheless believe the Maya may have been privy to impending astronomical disasters that would coincide with 2012, ranging from explosive storms on the surface of the sun that could knock out power grids to a galactic alignment that could trigger a reversal in Earth’s magnetic field.

But Bugarach’s mayor, Jean Pierre Delord, is worried about the numbers of New Agers arriving in the town.

Police and troops have been drafted in to deal with the sudden influx and stop believers from scaling the mountain. Although many believe this is merely a cover for the investigation of dozens of recent UFO sightings.

David, who quit his telecoms job in Tours to move to Bugarach, told The Sun: ‘There are serious things going on here – I want to know what these objects are.

‘Things exist and people have a right to know.’

While David, who would not reveal his surname, said he wasn’t sure the world would actually end in three weeks, added: ‘I do think the capitalist system is going to collapse then.’

But others have expressed anger at the town, blaming it for taking advantage of ‘gullible’ New Agers.

End of the world in Bugarach.e

Eric Freysselinard, the prefect of the Aude county which includes Bugarach, said this week: ‘I find it really outrageous to abuse the naivety of people and rush into commerce that defies common sense.’

The prophesy is based on an interpretation of the ancient Mayan calendar which claims an intergalactic planet is on a crash course with Earth and will impact on December 21 2012.

The French government has even warned of the risk of mass suicides in the country by people who believe the world will self-destruct next year.

Recent disasters – including the earthquake in Japan – as well as anxiety over pandemics and economic concerns – are creating a global climate of fear, which for some are omens of impending doom.

A report published yesterday by watchdog Miviludes said the picturesque village near Carcassonne should be monitored in the lead-up to the end of 2012.

Miviludes president Georges Fenech said: ‘I think we need to be careful. We shouldn’t get paranoid, but when you see what happened at Waco in the United States, we know this kind of thinking can influence vulnerable people.’

Police and media arrives in Bugarach for alleged end of worldPeople shop at a gift stall in Sirince

The internet is awash with myths about the hamlet.

These include beliefs that the mountain is surrounded by a magnetic force, that it is the site of a concealed alien base, or even that it contains an underground access to another world.
Patrice Etienne, who runs an organic cafe in the village, said there have been an increased number of reports by walkers in the area of cameras jamming when they tried to take pictures and strange noises rumbling underground.

‘We have seen military aircraft, police and soldiers,’ he added. ‘It’s like a Spielberg movie. They are looking for something. There is something in this mountain, definitely.’

Meanwhile, panic is spreading throughout Russia at such a rate over the Earth’s pending doom, that Moscow’s minister of emergency situations has told its citizens that the world will not end on December 21.

Ancient Mayans claimed that is the day a 5,125-year cycle known as the Long Count in the Mayan calendar supposedly comes to a close. Many in Russia, where mystical thinking is popular, have taken notice.

Some are hoarding everyday items such as sugar, matches and candles, while inmates in a jail are said to have experienced a ‘collective mass psychosis’.

The ministry said it had access to ‘methods of monitoring what is occurring on Earth’, and could say with confidence all will be well.

However Russians were warned they still face the threats of ‘blizzards, ice storms, breakdowns in heat, electricity and water supply’.

An official from the Russian State Church has also spoken out to reassure frightened people.

ALf knew that it was not the end only the begining.
Apocalypse correspondent Alok Jha has one more installment of theoretical doom to share with us. I must say this scores full marks for being insurmountably bleak, and as such is my personal favourite.

He writes:

A vacuum is meant to be the very definition of empty. And empty things couldn’t destroy the world, right? Quantum physicists, however, know that that the traditional conception of the vacuum is not quite correct – what we think of as empty space is actually seething with pairs of virtual particles popping into existence and then vanishing. It is a soup of energy and, in the early moments of the universe some of this was released, which caused a gargantually fast rate of expansion, known as cosmic inflation.

Vacuum collapse

Alan Guth, a physicist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who came up with the idea of inflation, says the rapid expansion was released when “false vacuum” decayed into a lower-energy state he called “true vacuum”.

There’s no reason to think that our Earth, our solar system, our Sun, our entire galaxy might not be in a false vacuum state right now. At any point, it could collapse into a lower-energy vacuum. This collapse would grow at the speed of light and re-write physics. Our atoms would not hold together in the ensuing wave of intense energy. All that energy might re-condense at some point into something else, new forms of matter governed by new laws of nature. But we wouldn’t be here to see any of it.

The ultimate ecological catastrophe

In 1980, the Harvard physicist Sidney Coleman calculated that vacuum decay would be the end for all life as we know it. “The possibility that we are living in a false vacuum has never been a cheering one to contemplate,” he wrote. “Vacuum decay is the ultimate ecological catastrophe; in the new vacuum there are new constants of nature; after vacuum decay, not only is life as we know it impossible, so is chemistry as we know it. However, one could always draw stoic comfort from the possibility that perhaps in the course of time the new vacuum would sustain, if not life as we know it, at least some structures capable of knowing joy. This possibility has now been eliminated.”

Alok Jha is back with more cheery ways to destroy planet Earth.

In all the excitement over the discovery of a Higgs-like particle at Cern this year, physicists at the lab were probably not thinking about the end of the world. But the Standard Model of particle physics – of which the Higgs boson is part and which describes fundamental particles and forces of nature – hides a terrifying secret: a theoretical composite particle that is so stable it can transform any other particle of matter into a copy of itself.

Beware the strangelet

If this exotic particle, called a strangelet, came into contact with a particle of normal matter (made of protons, neutrons and electrons), the latter would somehow recognise that it is in a hopelessly inefficient energy state and immediately re-organise itself into a strangelet. These copies would then go on to convert other particles into more strangelets. In just a few short hours, a small chunk of these terrifying particles could turn an entire planet into a uniform, featureless mass of strangelets.

According to the Standard Model, all matter particles are made of a combination of six quarks and six leptons. Protons and neutrons are made from a combination of “up” and “down” quarks, the same stuff that also makes up a strangelet. Unlike regular matter, though, strangelets also contain a heavier, lesser-seen particle called a “strange” quark.

A hot lump of strange matter

In normal life, a strange quark is unstable and decays into lighter quarks very soon after it has formed. But, the hypothesis goes, if lots of up, down and strange quarks got together, the resulting mass would somehow be less prone to decay. Ed Witten, a theoretical physicist at the Institute of Advanced Study in Princeton who helped to come up with this idea, says a strangelet with lots of quarks would be more stable than a normal atomic nucleus.

And if this particle were to collide with a normal nucleus, the conversion of the latter into a strangelet would take a thousand-millionth of a second and release energy, which will then be available for other conversions. One by one, every atomic nucleus in a lump of ordinary matter, the Earth say, would be converted into strangelets, leaving our planet as a hot lump of strange matter.

The stuff of sci-fi

If you think this sounds a bit like science fiction, you might be recalling the Kurt Vonnegut story, Cat’s Cradle. In that book, a fictional material called Ice Nine is meant to be a super-stable form of water that melts at 45.8C instead of 0C. When Ice Nine comes into contact with normal water, it acts as a catalyst to solidify the entire body of water. Inevitably, this material is used to solidify all of the Earth’s oceans.

The Mayans do not believe that the world will end on Dec 21. Ask any Mayan, and they will say so.

Just as the 2012 Gregorian calendar ends on Dec 31 and starts again on Jan 1, 2013, the Mayan calender simply starts a new cycle or era.

Each era is about 5,125 years. According to the Aztec codices, which are corrupted versions of Mayan beliefs, there are five eras, for the five elements, totaling to approximately 26,000 years, the amount of time it takes the Earth to complete one wobble (precession of the equinoxes). Unfortunately, Catholic clergy destroyed all Mayan books, except for four codices, during the 16th century conquest of Mexico, so we don’t know the exact beliefs of ancient Mayans anymore. However, the five eras are like the four seasons that simply occur one after another cyclically. Thus, some eras are undesirable like winter and some are desirable like spring.

Mayan apocalypse: Men in tin foil at Bugarach, Francebugarach 3

The five eras according to the preserved Aztec codices are:

1) Four Jaguar (Metal)
2) Four Wind (Air)
3) Four Rain (of Fire)
4) Four Water (a flood story similar to Noah’s Ark and the Gilgamesh Epic occurs here 5,000 years ago)
5) Four Movement (Earth) (This is the era of human sacrifice or the Christian Era. This is where the god Quetzalcoatl lives, dies and rises again just like Jesus. Quetzalcoatl saves mankind also by using the blood of his phallus (genitals), which the cross represents. Many other death and resurrection gods like Tammuz (Babylon) and Adonis (Greece) are worshiped in this era. This is also the era of Holy Communion, where the blood and body of the sacrifice is eaten (literally in ancient Mexico and figuratively by Christians). Thus, the Aztecs performed human sacrifice just like the Christians during this era.)

The era of Four Movement ends on Dec 21 (or 23) and the new era of Four Jaguar (Metal) officially begins afterward. Although the new era is an age of terror, as the jaguar implies, it is also an intellectual age (Age of Aquarius), so Christianity will decline. “Quetzalcoatl” is expected to “return,” but not as a “sacrificial god” anymore, so spirituality will be renewed as a more solid, reasonable and scientific entity, not wishy-washy like Christianity. And it will be an age of irony, just like doctors who become terrorists, or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It would be like the ending months of winter in terms of temperament or mood, not temperature, and it will last for another 5,000 years. Unfortunately, “spring time” or the Age of Four Wind, the best era, is still due in 5,000 years.

The village of Bugarach attracts many  who believe that it will survive the  end of the World 21 December 2012

Thursday 20th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 20, 2012 by uppyalf


OLD BAGG  and Jane with their UppyALf mugs.

Wednesday 19th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 19, 2012 by uppyalf


O we had such a fun event at Compton Verney last night and once again we were a triumph!

As usual we are treated with a little caution on meeting new people but by the end of the evening they have cracked and cracked good.

Even the BIG BOSS Steven Parsnip was happy to have his picture taken with us..He sang a great rendition of Delilah we were well impressed and joined in the chorus  la la la la la la la la  ing.



O’Riordan, Mary Dolores, Noel Hogan

I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window
I saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind
She was my woman
As she decieved me I watched and went out of my mind
My, my, my, Delilah
Why, why, why, Delilah
I could see that girl was no good for me
But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
At break of day when that man drove away, I was waiting
I cross the street to her house and she opened the door
She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more
My, my, my Delilah
Why, why, why Delilah
So before they come to break down the door
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more
(insert trumpet solo here)
She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more
My, my, my, Delilah
Why, why, why, Delilah
So before they come to break down the door
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more
Forgive me Delilah I just couldn’t take any more

Christine Clooney did Diamonds are a girls best friend.

She was great and did all the Marilyn moves and voice overs.


Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend

Jule Styne  Leo Robin

The French are glad to die for love.
They delight in fighting duels.
But I prefer a man who lives
And gives expensive jewels.

A kiss on the hand
May be quite continental,
But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

A kiss may be grand
But it won’t pay the rental
On your humble flat
Or help you at the automat.

Men grow cold
As girls grow old,
And we all lose our charms in the end.

But square-cut or pear-shaped,
These rocks don’t lose their shape.
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Black Starr!
Frost Gorham!
Talk to me Harry Winston.
Tell me all about it!

There may come a time
When a lass needs a lawyer,
But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

There may come a time
When a hard-boiled employer
Thinks you’re awful nice,
But get that ice or else no dice.

He’s your guy
When stocks are high,
But beware when they start to descend.

It’s then that those louses
Go back to their spouses.
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

I’ve heard of affairs
That are strictly platonic,
But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

And I think affairs
That you must keep liaisonic
Are better bets
If little pets get big baguettes.

Time rolls on,
And youth is gone,
And you can’t straighten up when you bend.

But stiff back
Or stiff knees,
You stand straight at Tiffany’s.

Diamonds!  Diamonds!
I don’t mean rhinestones!
But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.


Dave Jones this time without his gold medallion and Elvis Glasses did Blue Christmas the Elvis special.

Blue Christmas

Billy Hayes  and Jay Johnson

Ill have a blue christmas without you
Ill be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green christmas tree
Wont be the same dear, if you’re not here with me
And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue christmas
Youll be doin all right, with your christmas of white,
But I’ll have a blue, blue christmas.


The girls did fine rendition of White Christmas’

White Christmas

Irving Berlin

The sun is shining, the grass is green
The orange and palm trees sway
There’s never been such a day
In Beverly Hills, L.A.

But it’s December the 24th
And I’m longing to be up North…

I’m dreaming of a white christmas,
just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow

I’m dreaming of a white christmas,
just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow

I’m dreaming of a white christmas,
with every christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white

I’m dreaming of a white christmas,
just like the ones I used to know
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white

I’m dreaming of a white christmas,
with every christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white

May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your christmases be white.


OLD FART embarrassed us again getting up with Clifford, Mick, Adam and Tony to sing the John & Yoko classics WAR IS OVER! once he starts there is no holding him!

John Yoko pluscrowd1IMG_0083IMG_0086wioiywikkk

”Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”

John and Yoko

Happy Xmas Yoko
Happy Xmas John

So this is Xmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Xmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Xmas (war is over)
For weak and for strong (if you want it)
For rich and the poor ones (war is over)
The world is so wrong (if you want it)
And so happy Xmas (war is over)
For black and for white (if you want it)
For yellow and red ones (war is over)
Let’s stop all the fight (now)

A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Xmas (war is over)
And what have we done (if you want it)
Another year over (war is over)
A new one just begun (if you want it)
And so happy Xmas (war is over)
We hope you have fun (if you want it)
The near and the dear one (war is over)
The old and the young (now)

A very Merry Xmas
And a happy New Year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear

War is over, if you want it
War is over now

Happy Xmas

Joe made us some Elf’s an ALf Elf and and Uppy Elf…

It was all good fun and we won a raffle prize and our table won the Quiz!

clifford 12moira12joe12morgan12ttwoIMG_0057191212 (2)

And as for the end of the world?

We would have sung this had we been asked!

99 Red Balloons

Uwe Fahrenkrog-Petersen

Have you some time for me,
then I’ll sing a song for you
about 99 balloons
on their way to the horizon.
If you’re perhaps thinking about me right now
then I’ll sing a song for you
about 99 balloons
and that such a thing comes from such a thing.

99 balloons
on their way to the horizon
People think they’re UFO’s from space
so a general sent up
a fighter squadron after them
Sound the alarm if it’s so
but there on the horizon were
only 99 balloons.

99 fighter jets
Each one’s a great warrior
Thought they were Captain Kirk
then came a lot of fireworks
the neighbors didn’t understand anything
and felt like they were being provoked
so they shot at the horizon
at 99 balloons.

99 war ministers
matches and gasoline canisters
They thought they were clever people
already smelled a nice bounty
Called for war and wanted power.
Man, who would’ve thought
that things would someday go so far
because of 99 balloons.

99 years of war
left no room for victors.
There are no more war ministers
nor any jet fighters.
Today I’m making my rounds
see the world lying in ruins.
I found a balloon,
think of you and let it fly (away).

191212 (4)191212 (1)

Monday 17th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 17, 2012 by uppyalf


Peter Grace did this sketch of us some time ago. And Lily knitted us new Christmas jumpers with snow and reindeer they are brilliant!

Saturday 8th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 8, 2012 by uppyalf

December 2012 marks the conclusion of a b’ak’tun—a time period in the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar which was used in Central America prior to the arrival of Europeans. Although the Long Count was most likely invented by the Olmec, it has become closely associated with the Maya civilization, whose classic period lasted from 250 to 900 AD.The writing system of the classic Maya has been substantially deciphered, meaning that a corpus of their written and inscribed material has survived from before the European conquest.

Unlike the 52-year Calendar Round still used today among the Maya, the Long Count was linear rather than cyclical, and kept time roughly in units of 20: 20 days made a uinal, 18 uinals (360 days) made a tun, 20 tuns made a k’atun, and 20 k’atuns (144,000 days or roughly 394 years) made up a b’ak’tun. Thus, the Mayan date of represents 8 b’ak’tuns, 3 k’atuns, 2 tuns, 10 uinals and 15 days.


A date inscription for the Mayan Long Count, showing the date for the last creation note the image of ALf in the last row but one glyph right.

Showing that ALf’ has been to Earth on many occasions.

Come December 22nd 2012

Let us all dance come December the 22nd

To show the world we are here

To show the world that we can still dance

Even though the chaos will remain

Even though the poverty remains

Even though the greedy stay the same

Even though the sick are still sick

Even though the poor are still poor

Let us dance

Let us all dance and after we have danced

Maybe just maybe we can see we are still here

We can see we can still dance

Maybe then we will see we can make a difference

Defy the masters defy the greedy defy the control

And dance

 If you don’t want to dance that’s ok too. 

The 2012 phenomenon comprises a range of eschatological beliefs according to which cataclysmic or transformative events will occur on 21 December 2012. This date is regarded as the end-date of a 5125-year-long cycle in the Meso american Long Count calendar. Various astronomical alignments and numerological formulae have been proposed as pertaining to this date, though none have been accepted by mainstream scholarship.

A New Age interpretation of this transition is that the date marks the start of time in which Earth and its inhabitants may undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation, and that 21 December 2012 may mark the beginning of a new era. Others suggest that the date marks the end of the world or a similar catastrophe. Scenarios suggested for the end of the world include the arrival of the next solar maximum, an interaction between Earth and the black hole at the center of the galaxy, or Earth’s collision with a planet called “Nibiru”.

Scholars from various disciplines have dismissed the idea of such cataclysmic events occurring in 2012. Professional Mayanist scholars state that predictions of impending doom are not found in any of the extant classic Maya accounts, and that the idea that the Long Count calendar “ends” in 2012 misrepresents Maya history and culture.

Dates beyond b’ak’tun 13

Mayan inscriptions occasionally mention predicted future events or commemorations that would occur on dates far beyond the completion of the 13th b’ak’tun. Most of these are in the form of “distance dates”; Long Count dates together with an additional number, known as a Distance Number, which when added to them makes a future date. On the west panel at the Temple of Inscriptions in Palenque, a section of text projects forward to the 80th 52-year Calendar Round from the coronation of the ruler K’inich Janaab’ Pakal. Pakal’s accession occurred on, equivalent to 27 July 615 AD in the proleptic Gregorian calendar. The inscription begins with Pakal’s birthdate of (24 March, 603 AD Gregorian) and then adds the Distance Number to it, arriving at a date of 21 October 4772 AD, more than 4,000 years after Pakal’s time.

Another example is Stela 1 at Coba which marks the date of creation as, or nineteen units above the b’ak’tun. According to Linda Schele, these 13s represent “the starting point of a huge odometer of time”, with each acting as a zero and resetting to 1 as the numbers increase. Thus this inscription anticipates the current universe lasting at least 2021×13×360 days, or roughly 2.687×1028 years; a time span equal to 2 quintillion times the age of the universe as determined by cosmologists. Others have suggested, however, that this date marks creation as having occurred after that time span.

In 2012, researchers announced the discovery of a series of Mayan astronomical tables in Xultún, Guatemala which plot the movements of the Moon and other astronomical bodies over the course of 17 b’ak’tuns.

Web Bot, or the Web Bot Project, refers to an Internet Bot computer program that is claimed to be able to predict future events by tracking keywords entered on the Internet. It was developed in the late 1990s, originally to predict stock market trends.

The creator of the Web Bot Project, Clif High, along with his associate George Ure, who call themselves “The Time Monks”] keep the technology and algorithms largely secret and sell the predictions via the website.

Web Bot Project: 2013

Sunday, November 4, 2012 10:01

Probably the greatest mystery of all is what will happen in the future.  Everyone from scientists, with their predictions, to so-called psychics, with their prophecies, and even to astrologers, with their prognostications, have tried to give us humans a picture of future events.  Scientists base their predictions upon current and past trends.  They are perhaps the most accurate, but even they can be wrong sometimes.  Psychics (which would include Shamans), have received a bad name, because of all the con-artists out there.  I believe that some psychics and shamans really do receive messages from the other side.  However, my concern is whether or not those messages can be trusted.  Astrologers work in broad terms, so broad as to make them impractical.  For instance, an astrologer might say, “Tomorrow will be a bad money day for you.”  And then, you have an unexpected bill come.  You say, “Yep, my astrologer was right.”  Useless!

A New Form of Seeing the Future

Since the late 1990’s, thanks to technology, we have a new way to see the future of our planet and all who live in its biosphere.  If you haven’t heard of the ‘Web Bot Project’, you must be living under a rock.  If you have heard of it, you probably don’t really understand it fully.  In this article, I shall attempt to fully explain what the web bot project is, how it works, and what it does.

Prophecy or Prediction?

Well, prophecy is meant to say that if humans continue on their current path, these are the problems that they will encounter.  Prophet Lori Toye said that if a prophet (or prophetess) is really doing his/her job well, the prophecy will never come to pass.   Prediction is similar in that scientists say that if things continue on the current trend, this will come to pass.  Prognostication is knowing what WILL come to pass.  So, which one is the Web Bot Project all about?  Well, it leans toward prediction.  Web Bot designer Clif High calls his technology: “Asymetrical Language Trend Analysis” or “ALTA”.  He analyses the language on the internet, in blogs and forums to see a trend in the linguistics.  He does this by sending out “web bots” or “spiders” to “crawl” the web and extract data sets.  The premise behind the Web Bot’s ALTA report is that all humans are basically intuitive, whether they are conscious of it or not.  Their intuitive insight is manifested in the type of language that they chose to use at any given time.  By analysing the language that people choose to use, trends can be observed and predictions made based upon those trends.

History of the Web Bot Project

The Asymmetrical Language Trend Analysis (ALTA) report was first used in the late 1990’s to predict the highest level of Microsoft stock.  In the analysis of the data, Mr. High and his associates began to see other predictions being forecast.  Amongst other words, they were looking at the keyword “sun” in relation to “Sun Microsystems”, which if you recall was the issue of dispute between Microsoft and Java in the late 1990’s.  The ALTA report started to produce some interesting language with regard to the sun; you know: the big yellow ball in the sky.  It predicted “sun disease”, or in other words something would go wrong with our sun.  Anyone who has been keeping up with the sun cycles knows that scientists are completely baffled by the behaviour of the sun in the past two decades.  This led the designers of the ALTA report to search for other “key words” and see what else the ALTA report could predict.

Web Bot’s Track Record

In this author’s opinion, the Web Bot’s track record is impeccable.  The problems occur in the interpretation of the data, which Clif High and his associates admit they get wrong half the time, and in the timing.  Mr. Clif High has yet to perfect the timing of future events.  He is sometimes right on.  For instance, the Web Bot Project predicted the high of Microsoft’s software within a week; and the Web Bot Project predicted the 2004 Indonesian tsunami within a week.   However, sometimes, Web Bot predictions can be off by a month or by a year or two.  Examples are the “Israeli Mistake” and the “Global Coastal Event”.

Web Bot’s Future Predictions

In Clif High’s most recent ALTA report, which can be purchased online for 10 US dollars, there are 59 pages of predictions for our immediate and long-term future.  I can only relate some of them here.  To see all the predictions, you will have to purchase the ALTA report for yourself at halfpasthuman dot com.

In the report, there are things that wouldn’t surprise any astute observe of current world events.  There are prediction of a dollar collapse, wars in the Middle East, social unrest, and so forth.  With regard to the up-coming presidential election, Clif High prudently abstains from mentioning the outcome.  However, he does say that the election will be shrouded in scandal.  There will be claims of voter fraud.  There will be major social unrest regarding the announced outcome of the election.  So, what else is new, right?

However, what is of greatest concern to all on this planet is the prediction of the “global coastal event”.  It has been in the data for several years.  Clif High originally thought that it would happen several years ago, and when it didn’t happen, many people lost interest in the Web Bot Project and the ALTA reports produced therefrom.  As aforementioned, the problems with the ALTA reports are not in the data, but in the interpretation of the data and the timing.  As a result of that fiasco, Mr. High’s associate, George Ure has come up with a postulate, which is: “The longer something is in the data, the more extreme and prodigious the event.”  Mr. High is now saying that the global coastal event is likely to happen before June 1 of 2013.  That’s not because his data says so, but rather because of the research done by the Farsight Project, which can be found at farsight dot org.  Their research into remote viewing has produced the date June 1, 2013 for a global coastal event, which basically means rising coastlines and tsunamis—huge tsunamis—in some parts of the world.  Please note that Clif High is saying, “Before June 1 of 2013,” not “On June 1 of 2013.”

As a result of the global coastal event (cause unknown), there will be major Diaspora (voluntary migrations) as whole cities will be destroyed and survivors will decide to migrate to other cities.  The West coast of the United States will be particularly hard hit.  Out of the chaos that ensues a hero will arise, around July of 2013.  He will be an older, now retired and somewhat wealthy, Asian wrestler.  He is described in the data as being of broad statue, old, gnarled, but very strong.  He will be a leader.  He is further described as “taming the rowdy” with “gentleness.” He then organizes the thousands [of survivors] by way of few words to build bridges of rubble, to rescue injured, and evacuate from the danger.

Could this future hero be a former Mongolian wrestler, now living in the U.S.?  I wonder.

Wednesday 5th December 2012

Posted in Stuffed. on December 5, 2012 by uppyalf


Never mind the Mayan calendar our UppyALf calendar goes well beyond December 21st 2012 and into 2013 so get one of ours.

The Guardian Newspaper says…Mayan documentary to show ‘evidence’ of alien contact in ancient Mexico

Guatemala and Mexico release secret documents and artefacts for forthcoming film Revelations of the Mayans 2012 and Beyond

The ancient Mayans had contact with alien visitors who left behind evidence of their existence, according to a new Mexican documentary.

Sundance winner Juan Carlos Rulfo’s Revelations of the Mayans 2012 and Beyond is currently in production for release next year to coincide with the end of the Mayan calendar, reports the Wrap.

Producer Raul Julia-Levy said the documentary-makers were working in cooperation with the Mexican government for what he said was “the good of mankind”. He said the order to collaborate had come directly from the country’s president, Álvaro Colom Caballeros.

“Mexico will release codices, artefacts and significant documents with evidence of Mayan and extraterrestrial contact, and all of their information will be corroborated by archaeologists,” he said. “The Mexican government is not making this statement on their own – everything we say, we’re going to back it up.”

Caballeros himself was conspicuous by his absence from the statement released by Julia-Levy. So far, the minister of tourism for the Mexican state of Campeche, Luis Augusto García Rosado, appears to be the highest-ranking government official to go on record confirming the discovery of extraterrestrial life, but he’s not holding back.

In a statement, Rosado spoke of contact “between the Mayans and extraterrestrials, supported by translations of certain codices, which the government has kept secure in underground vaults for some time”. In a telephone conversation with the Wrap, he also spoke of “landing pads in the jungle that are 3,000 years old”.

The documentary is believed to focus in part on previously unexplored sections of a Mayan site at Calakmul, Mexico, as well as a number of sites in Guatemala, where officials are also backing the documentary.

“Guatemala, like Mexico, home to the ancient-yet-advanced Mayan civilisation … has also kept certain provocative archeological discoveries classified, and now believes that it is time to bring forth this information in the new documentary,” Guatemala’s minister of tourism, Guillermo Novielli Quezada, said in a statement.

The Mayan calendar ends on 21 December 2012, a fact which conspiracy theorists have used to predict imminent apocalypse. However, according to Mayanist scholars there is no evidence that the Mayans themselves expected cataclysmic events to occur once the calendar had reached its denouement. More likely, it would simply mark the beginning of another 5,125-year-long cycle.


We’ll All Go Together When We Go

Tom Lehrer [1959]

A typically clever Tom Lehrer end of the world ‘survival hymn’ that contains the spectacular lyric: “When the air becomes uranious, we will all go simulataneous.”

In an interview, Lehrer recalled the circumstances of the song’s composition: “I wrote it in 1956 while I was in the army, the United States army, I hasten to add. America is free today, so draw your own conclusions.” Lehrer remembered that one day while he was doing KP duty “the title popped into my head and once the title popped into my head, the rest was just a matter of finding, giving examples.”

Satirical singer-songwriter, pianist, mathematician and teacher Tom Lehrer was born in New York, New York in 1928. At the age of eight Lehrer began taking classical piano lessons from a teacher who exposed the impressionable youth to show tunes. At the age of 15 Lehrer graduated from high school and was accepted to Harvard University where, in addition to studying math, he began performing some of his humorous compositions for his friends. In 1951 and 1952 Lehrer publicly performed his collected academic parody songs as ‘The Physical Revue.’ In 1953 while still a graduate student at Harvard his friends urged him to record his songs and Lehrer obliged by stepping into a local recording studio to produce ‘Songs By Tom Lehrer’. Lehrer then had 400 10″ records pressed which he sold to various people around the campus and elsewhere. Word about the album eventually resulted in numerous orders and Lehrer had to have more copies made and hire a company to handle the distribution. Reportedly, the LP wound up selling 350,000 copies. Unfortunately, the next career move for the artist was the U.S. Army which is where, as has already been noted, he wrote the track featured on this set.

After getting out of the service, Lehrer returned to Cambridge, Massachusetts where he performed at various nightclubs and auditoriums locally and in other cities. In 1959 Lehrer had developed enough new material for his second LP. ‘An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer’ was the result of material culled from two live performances at Harvard’s Sanders Theater. A studio version of the same set of songs was released simultaneously under the title of ‘More Of Tom Lehrer.’

After an unpleasant series of concerts in Australia in approximately 1960, Lehrer decided to return to his vocation of teaching. Four years later Lehrer was tempted back into show business to write songs for the satirical TV program ‘That Was The Week That Was’ which ran for one season on NBC. Lehrer was less than pleased with how the producers of the program edited his lyrics, so in 1965 he released ‘That Was The Year That Was’ featuring the songs (plus several others he had written) the way they were intended to be heard. In 1972 Lehrer again wrote for television for the PBS educational program ‘The Electric Company.’ The now happily semi-retired Lehrer continues to teach math.

We’ll All Go Together When We Go: Tom Lehrer [1959]

Spoken introduction:

I am reminded at this point of a fellow I used to know whose name was Henry, only to give you an idea of what an individualist he was he spelled it H-E-N-3-R-Y. The 3 was silent, you see. (Laughter) Henry (more laughter), Henry was financially independent, having inherited his father’s tar and feather business, and was therefore able to devote his full time to such intellectual pursuits as writing – I particularly remember a heart-warming novel of his about a young necrophiliac who finally achieved his boyhood ambition by becoming
A coroner. (Laughter) The rest of you can look it up when you get home. (Loud and long laughter) In addition to writing, he indulged in a good deal of philosophizing. Like so many contemporary philosophers he especially enjoyed giving helpful advice to people who were happier than he was, and one (Laughter), one particular bit of advice which I recall, which is the reason I bring up this whole dreary story, is something he said once before they took him away to the Massachusetts State Home for the Bewildered (laughter), he said, “Life is like a sewer. What you get our of it depends on what you put into it!” (Long, loud laughter) So it seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha, and so with this in mind I have here a modern, positive, dynamic uplifting song in the tradition of the great old revival hymns. This one might be more accurately termed a survival hymn, it goes like this…

When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or
Later those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjec-
Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do
(But don’t you worry.)

No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an arm band made of black cloth
Will some day nevermore adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There’ll be nobody left behind to grieve

And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement
An inspiring achievement
Yes, we all will go together when we go

We will all go together when we go
All suffused with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance
Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go

Oh we will all fry together when we fry
We’ll be French fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we all will fry together when we fry

Down by the old maelstrom
There’ll be a storm before the calm

And we will all bake together when we bake
There’ll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak

Oh we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.
And the party will be come-as-you-are

Oh, we will all burn together when we burn
There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it’s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollahs

And we will all go together when we go
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo
When the air becomes uranious
We will all go simultaneous
Yes, we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes we all will go together when we go