Friday 19th November 2021

Mortality

I am really struggling with my mortality
There I have said it
I have committed it to paper
I will probably sign it at the end
And date it too
I’ve always known that my time was a finite thing
Always
Even from a very young age
But now
Now the end game is in play
It’s actually approaching at such a pace
Days fly and it’s always Thursday
I don’t seem to have enough time to do
Everything I want to do
Then again I waste time so easily
I think too much
I overthink too much
You are at the beginning of a real adventure
You need to grab it now!
Now!
Take it and run with it
I’m on the run in to eternity
I am really beginning to be scared
I didn’t expect that
It has always scared me
But now I am really scared
So much to feel
But I have felt too much
So much to know
But I know too much
So much to see
But I have seen too much
I understand nothing
And there is so much to understand
I need to let go
Let you go
Take my life and put it on a shelf
Except it all
Except that it is nearly done
I am a disappointment to myself
I have battled
I have struggled
I have failed
The one thing I desire most has always eluded me
Or maybe I just expected too much
Life is fleeting
Life is bad for me
To be given so much
Only to know all along it will be taken away
How can anyone be expected to deal with that?
Shame on me for expecting too much

John Bish November 19th 2021

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